Very much…how can I tell you , it’s a one ended action…when I said this its implied that I follow the same too…you don’t have to restate my statement
Let me cut the ice here….
Its not about me interacting with elders or youngsters ashwin…Unless I feel the vibes to communicate with a person, I will not force myself for a communication irrespective of their ages…When I was referring to lack of interaction with atte its just that I dint sense a comfortness in communication , and here I deviate from what you are. When I give the liberty to you to comment about Vimala Aunty’s view on certain things , for example, is to tell you…Its ok to be fair and unbiased, if a person is wrong we have all the rights in pointing out that or acknowledging the same from others, it should not be based on relationships.
I donno , whats restricting me, But I am just not going anywhere….and as said on the first day , freedom means a lot to me… I am constrained I feel and am not able to breathe life, and when I encounter your mom , I sense something is gulping me and yes I am very very psychic….Tell me clear cut what I have to do…today morning when your mom was telling that you had locked yourself up in the room and did not assist daddy in sorting out the grams and always pushing for bathe and stuff like this just suffocates me for reason unknown. I donno Ashwin , Yes you are good to your heart and I am fortunate to have you in my life and at the same time there are counter action forces and sought of diluting my feelings. I really feel sad sometimes…I am being very honest to you…and I am neither able to concentrate at work nor being soulfully dedicated to the family and I am vacillating in between and going nowhere…I felt my feelings can be better expressed in mail than face to face to conversation. I have a feeling that I am being observed in each move of mine…
Yesterday when we were up, they could also have assumed that you might have been studying for something...they always speaks of people who are pursuing their Master’s and Phd’s , I am sure they are known of the fact that Industry like mine and yours need us to be on toes and constantly revamp our skills, which means that one needs freedom of space and mind ….If there is no monetary need, I might as well quit my job and be a home maker…and now don’t revert back telling ladies are known for their multitasking capabilities and Blah , if there such capability , let me vouch that there is a serious flaw or bottleneck in either their professional or personal lives, and if they are able to strike a perfect , its just attributed by the support of their spouses.
The otherday , when I was heating the water on stove , mom spoke of wastage of LPG, had I not asked you, one should assume , that me being a new member of the family is consuming all the resources of your home and is a overhead to your family, tell me why will somebody has to put up with things like this , I think we are all equipped enough to shield ourselves and stand against all hurdles…its not that you have not noticed it, its true your mom vehemently expresses her frustration at times in both our presence. And more over , you are now married and an independent individual., you don’t have to be gripped so much and you should have the liberty to lock yourself or do what you want, even if your mom accuses you in front of me , it pinches me , as she could also me pointing out I am responsible for your actions and I do not want to put you in that mode…It should just be a fair play.
I donno blame it on my sensitivity or upbringing, things are appearing retrograde and I am not feeling positive at all. Its both my inherent problem and also those injected by the circumstances. If you or me introspect as to what have we achieved by marrying, we will get host of thoughts, good , bad and ugly.
My objective in life is to just increase the percentage of good thoughts and memories,..,.By thinking all the negativities , I getting negative each day and attracting more negatives…Donno where it all leading to. In the exterior , I might seem very composed , but am decaying in some means and most of my past time activities have gone for a task…I will still live with you till my death… but if this continue to persist over a period of time , I will start dying internally before reaching an eternal death…
And if I tell you anything ,even though I don’t intend to offend you, you always point fingers at me and just don’t seem to introspect what I say….