The brain beat
MIRAGE

She hesitantly boards down the bus with head banging headache and turbulent ideas of something grievously wrong in her brain functioning. This was not the first time she was experiencing something of this sought. But something was really wrong and triggered this mixed reaction that it’s the time for MRI or something. Running was something on a regular basis and this frequent occurrence of regular head ache was unusual in a way that happened when ran on the treadmill. It was a wrong day she thought all through the journey from her office to home. It was the second working day of the week, was not quite sure if it was an official influence, whatever headache is still persisting , enormously increasing with each minute. She had forgotten the pills which was always there and balms are least effective for the surmount intensity of “headache”. She finally managed to drag herself from the bus stop to her compound.
Bangs the door , as if discharging all the pain in her head on the door, she had forgotten the doorbell.
Scene1 : Mom opens the door with usual stance , propounding theory of mannerisms .That does not even excite her auditory nerves. Throws her bag hesitantly on the floor and rushes to the room.
Scene 2: Grandmother on her bed . She was just discharged from a hospital that’s famous for the cardiac related treatments, after a brief period of angiogram to determine the % of blockage in heart. She is to be admitted back after a count of 4 days for treatment at next level , mostly the bypass surgery. Aunt had pinged my mom down as she wanted someone to my grand mom’s assistance ( she was to get some flowers ). Enquired about her wellbeing with parallel head ache. Mom pops some pills into my mouth and accuses that I am responsible for my current state. There is nothing I could do then.
Scene 3: Aunt enters and gave an explanation that , running in open air and on treadmill in a claustrophobic environment are 2 different things The reduction in the oxygen levels in indoors might have triggered the ache. Mom intervenes with alternative funda , that me not having a sumptuous breakfast and skipping meals at night might still be at large for this headache. Whatever, its been 10 min I have popped the pill, waiting for the effect and suggesting a possibility of an EEG or MRI to be done to investigate the root cause for this was not the first time and this needed some serious attention. Mom walks away giving a sigh of indifference and arrogance,

Scene 4: To support my idea of getting an MRI done, gave mom an explanation of similar condition last week on a day where there was no exertion due to rigorous activity of exercise , and exemplifying the internal effect of blood gushing at the hindbrain region and relating it to the palpitation of my heart .
Mom tells “ Your brain is still beating”….

She then realised that "I am not dead".


0 comments | edit post
Here we come, here we go!!
MIRAGE


Life , why is this so mysterious, shrouded with terra incognita. The shell is so hard, inside Lie Ocean of unknown uninterrupted events sequenced to target us in all possible manners. After all we are sharing this space with a purpose. Some of us sure about something, not everything and other no clue at all. Me feeling like a lone traveler picking memories on my path of life. Life in itself is quite personal to the person, but it has an unknown, unexplored influence on others. Whatever may be the extent Man might throng to captivate the mighty nature, with his mighty intelligence, the supreme thing he can probably never break is the mystery behind life and death. What forms the life and what takes the life, the entire lifecycle between life and death is something that cannot be penetrated by the creator himself, forget the lesser mortals. Where are we all heading towards, what’s the purpose in life, why are we here , is there something that’s carried forward or have we carried something while entering this universe.
We are all so entangled and enmeshed within the temporary ingredients that comprise the lucid part of life. But whats life in its purest and inner most form. Whats the nudity in life. There is so much emotions, so much love in each of us. Few express and few, just don’t. Has god created this universe for human beings with a purpose, or has he merged both the hell and heavens. There is so much diversity everywhere in all forms. Every one feels other is better in one or the other form and each human being out here is aware of this fact. Probably every human being out here knows he is not perfect. There is nothing life the perfect in this earth.It probably might turn out to be the degree of perfectness. There is nothing like the normal, its just the degree of normalcy.
September 15th marked a day where 2 of my beloved folks breathed their last. My dear cousin Pradeep and my distant grand father , Sri Bargheesh Tata. I only pray the almighty to let their souls enter his space. Life has so much to offer, there is so much joy, so much pain, ups and downs , yet my question of what’s the purpose of our existence. This world has nurtured phenomenal thinkers like swami Vivekananda, Mother Theresa and others . They have definitely influenced us in the right direction, but have we retained those rich ideals, is so why still violence. What's all this bloodshed, so much of obtrusive things that’s gulping the harmony and peace on earth. Looks like peace has become an endangered entity and we all should unite to save it from extinction. Has man born only to enjoy?, is that all , is that everything. What’s life after death, what’s life beyond death. You cant stand against god’s plan and what has to happen will happen . Everything is planned and everything is destined. Death of others is a living example for the living before the living die .What goes will come back if it has to be fulfilled .Circle is the law of nature; circle is the geometry of nature. Sometimes, god himself is in a state of bizarre that he cant change the plan for us. I just recall the Buddha’s story where the lady approaches Buddha to revive her son back from death, when Buddha preaches, life and death are the laws of nature, nothing is permanent. There is no such place or house where there are no traces of death. We are all the puppets in the game played by time and fate. There is no ground for escapism.Sex,lust,wealth ,pain,gain,loss,luck,love are the various ingredients in the game of love.The dispersion of these ingredients is dictated by god, he is the master planner behind this master game of life. The entire envelope of life is karmic in nature. Each and everything is extrapolated and balanced in nature. Life is a containment of balancing scales, we , the individual on one and the karmas that has to be equalized on the other. What a perfect strike for that balance.
0 comments | edit post
Just Beautiful!!!
MIRAGE

Beautiful life with beautiful thoughts that emerge from a beautiful heart and a beautiful mind.
Beautiful be the world within. Beautiful be the world out.
Beautiful be the path to success, beautiful be the recover from failure.
Beautiful is the world above, beautiful is the world below.
Beautiful is the mystic nature , beautiful is the wild nature.
Beautiful is the grandeur of the riches, beautiful is the innocence of the poor.
Beautiful Is the compassion of mother, beautiful is the warmth of father.
Beautiful is the smile of a kid, beautiful is the wisdom of the old.
Beautiful is the sound of nature, beautiful is the beauty of nature.
Beautiful is the adversity of trauma , beautiful is the diversity of experience.
Beautiful is purity, beautiful is clarity.
Beautiful is everything, beautiful is nothing.
Beautiful is the buzzing, beautiful is the silence.
Beautiful is the silence, beautiful is the tranquil.
Beutiful is me, beautiful is you.
Beautiful is the life, beautiful is the death


0 comments | edit post
Be the transformation you want to see
MIRAGE

Hello. It’s fresh again. Looking at my previous 3 blogs, the quality had hit a rock bottom, a comment which was posted anonymously shook me once , and I pledge there should not be negative overtones in my blog henceforth. The lessons learnt so far can alone be accounted for next few blogs. It was indeed a great lesson learnt and that single comment seems to have changed the direction of my life, my thinking and my perspective for ever. I wouldn’t have spared that bloody for sure, but I am taking an advantage for that comment for my improvement. One interesting fact is that people viewed my blog seriously and seem to have taken it so personally, that they ended up throwing some pulverizing comments, LOL, and I think that’s really funny. And it was really hilarious of me for having declared a disclaimer at the opening note and warning people not to read it, oxymoronic soul I am. I was being funny. Then it clicked to my idiotic mind to change the URL. In fact my cousins got pandemic to a point where they started warning me against blogging daily. I don’t find a deal, for now onwards its all fairy tale, all the splendid pictures that I could only dream off. But its not going to be dream anymore, for its all going to be captured in the same proportion in my blog and I should be enthralled to see this exponential curve in the beauty of my blog.Today onwards its truly private in a way , even my subconscious mind should not be aware of. I was just making a fool of an ass by showcasing my folly. What a fool on earth I was.I am still figuring out , was out there to display my artistic talents or to show my foolish a**.I learnt a great deal of lesson , and never again share my thoughts or plans with anyone. Its all going to be secured and locked in this blog. No access to external sources. Its safe here in this fantasy filled blog of mine.
But to be honest ,that bloody comment has twisted my life and I think its for better. Great lesson learnt indeed. Yes there might be days when I am not at my best and just writing something to fill my condition of blogging daily . But I am sure that certain days , my blog is going to be amazing. One day I just starting reading them all in a loop as though my life is flowing in water, I think its an amazing feeling
Yes I would like to see my life , just like a crystal maze , so pure and clear. But people think displaying conceitedness is a great attribute, I don’t see it a deal. I try to structure my blog so as to give the reader an impression of a logical flow of my blog, but that’s not the case anymore. Coming to the usage of flamboyant words, yeah makes sense for my vocab building activity, but my objective is for power ful thoughts rather than mere words. Now that I have the liberty to write , upload and read all for myself, I am in the most free form and going to make the best of it.
In a way I am on my spiritual quest , discovering my inner beauty , strengths , gifts, dreams ,desires on my way. Whatever it is , I need to work for my own upliftment.Its all in my mind, my heart , my brain.
I am just loving the new look of my blog. I feel like entering my world when I open that and the connection is almost automatic. I being moon in Piscean , have added a fish widget . I think its just made for me . I love my blog. I love me.

0 comments | edit post
Whatever!!!
MIRAGE

My monkey mind is hovering between happy and sad states from morning , and acting really crazy . I am liking it though and looks like the affirmation of blogging daily is a great transformation within me , and one day I wish to be the best writer out there. I don’t mind my recognition , but just wanting to break my bench mark. Just tabbing across different screens and typing this, as in when there is unattended time when the server is booting or some thing J hehe funny me , funny servers. ….always been a hard core server service girl…hihiehehehuuiyiuiiu….servers ….the AMD and the Intel CPU’s….my kids…..LOL…just kidding…man I just cant afford to be serious always ya….I know when to ease it down,….just a min, will PASS this test….the Raritan is down appending few more minutes to the downtime. So life is just going on man. Just learning to be light within , cant promise to be self composed, but yes at least for the brain jogging , will write daily. Great thing. I hate piracy, I always praise anything in its rudimentary form , I just hate all those copy and paste stuff, and believe me even to reuse a word again in this blog is a bit of glitch to me. Sipping the coffee reminiscing good and bad memories of the past, having a sense of pride for having done something good, I can never think otherwise. Tomorrow is our celebration of 61st year of Indian Independence. The air is filled with fervor and patriotism , alas I am not exempted from punching in for work tomorrow. Not bad, my mind has gotten serious at work ,...the pace seems to be good. Lets see how far J….keep on my mindYou Know what , by this time , at my age , I wanted to achieve something tremendous and nerve cracking, I don’t know , this feeling of not having accomplished something is still triumphing in my mind.Achievement to me is definitely not the bank balance , but everyone these days are smitten by it. Something that is impacting to the impoverished sect of the society, and anything that’s surpassed my expected level of stimulations on any of the challenging planes. But yes, going forward will work personally toward certain initiatives to feel more connected for the meaningful part of life to serve the fellow human beings in whichever way possible, to the best of my ability. I must admit today, I have been selfish all these days, always inundated about thoughts for achieving self excellence, means to overcome these snobbish phobias impregnated deep , so hard. But yes, the time for translation to more meaningful realm has unfolded. At this juncture I pray the almighty with deepest feelings, from the depths of my heart to give me the energy, Its not about achievements …its about your face value with reference to the people whom I have guided and yes today I determine this is my motto. Its not about the age, its about the wisdom which serves the humanity. Its not about the wealth , its about the richness of a beautiful heat and mind with a purpose to serve the humanity. Its flowing from within, truly feeling so happy, I am at my best version today. God thanks so much, how could I ever thing of ending my soul and I had so much in store…I am sorry for myself. I have a golden heart , I always exude rays of warmth, goodwill ,compassion in its purest form. I truly thank god for this priceless intensity of my being to stand by the truth and to be fair in all means. Today its life is gleaming , may be to tell me its more meaningful than I thought. I must appreciate a substantial shift in the tone in which I started the first line and ending it with greater sense of purpose in life
0 comments | edit post
The two hemispheres
MIRAGE


Hey there!!!!...Oh sorry could not catch up with the blog since 2 days..here I bounce back again. Yet another moronic Monday .The day was triggered by a pounding headache(contributing to the Monday bluesJ) , which woke me up and companied me till noon, after which it had to subside by 2 powerful pills. Back to the normal state by end of 3 pm. Was experimenting with couple of web templates and found the current one apposite to my concept of blogging daily.”Coffee Desk”, I think the template looked fab to me.Put all your thoughts in a notebook(not laptop) and engrossed yourself in a cup of cappuccino. Will retain this for quite some time, another contender being the “Eclipse”, somewhat made for the dark souls, would put that on some time. Well again my mind was inoculate with dark thoughts , funny it seems, the thoughts interfering me are the people afflicted with hurly burly mind. Man , what mind we human beings possess. The thought of all these obscurities within and around is constantly ruminating me. Man as I know , no doubt is the most intelligent animal, but I bet he cant overpower the power of might nature. Is this some sought of complexity or perception which is driving me to thing in this direction.Dont know, but if this is the case hell with my bloody mind.Why cant I be contented with what I am currently, was I before ???, Yeah may be , I was quite glad for certain period of time last decade.
But I am constantly warning myself against this behavior, and if I continue with this mindset of wanting to be the best in the world, just the contrary might prove pushing me to doldrums. I am working with greater thrust to extinguish this trait. I hope to succeed In near future. I regret for being sensitive on auras , energies and other aspects of human enigma. Its enrooted, that I almost correlate to all the happenings around me .Its become a OCD. Unfortunately, majority of folks these days are devolving to primates loosing out on most precious human qualities , the virtues everything. They are just animals. I feel animals are much more purer than us. They have it all, beauty, honesty , trust , faith everything. Where are we human beings disposing all these attributes to. I agree man has his share of wealth , lust ,sex that has to be enjoyed in due course of time and I find it unfounded to breathe by the same philosophy for an entire life time. Apart from the communication and the intelligence attributes that’s discrete to the homosapiens, one powerful quality that’s unique to us is the power of introspection. Why wouldn’t anyone want to think themselves in their purest form, be in sense with their inner voice. This lack of introspection is the breeding ground for all our sufferings today. Today’s funda of everyone to be “UNIQUE” and “ DIFFERENT” are driving all of us crazy . What’s the fu**ng point here. Why cant we be elegant, that’s what we are born for. You enjoy, party till death, at the end of your life, when you are on your death bed, what is that you had introspected. What is that you did to distinguish yourself from others, don’t tell about wine, woman/man , wealth . There is so much more that had to be accomplished, then you realize. I shall pledge, God has his law of equilibrium executed in all forms of existence. There is one crux which I realized today, realization of 2 hemispheres’ in everything.
Just think of this, the equator which is divides the globe into two hemispheres, the north and south, air and land, land and water, Man and woman, left brain and right brain , here is one such think two sects of people , the good and bad. Yes this is the truth, and this exists , the intentions of these 2 category of people so diverse in views, their philosophy , the way they live and lead the life, their tastes in life, its so different and one find the other as far from normal and that’s true . You can just pick that emotions , and mostly it’s the negative energies of the bad sect that affects the psyche of the sensitive and the good souls and I am experiencing the same. For me energies really matter it either compounds with good energies or fragments when collided with negative energies, and this not only affects me at a mental level , but also at the physical level and that’s what precisely struck me toady morning. These days my antennas detect mostly correctly where I shall go, whom to speak etc, but some time stumble so badly, that I hurt myself so badly for having collided the negative energies and me in the mode of recuperating from that. Well, I always pray god to keep me safe from the dick headed world, but these nasty confrontations are almost inevitable . I am a GENIUS when shrouded with positive energies, and don’t my energies quick shunts when in contact with negative vibes. God , is this a boon or a bane. Help me. I try to avoid consciously and in fact in better shape than before in this case . But still afresh from one such incident. I don’t know , why people work so much to satiate their grudge . I have seen people making conspicuous efforts to accomplish this task .Sad and sadists I would call them , mere shame. I only pray god to shield me from all these , help me out god. You are my positive energy , you drive me towards positive energies and that makes me positive to prorogate positive energy. Its all about positive and negative energies, as I mentioned above the 2 spheres of existence and the life and death to conclude it.










0 comments | edit post
Take it easy policy ...
MIRAGE

Just got this idea of taking a line from the song composed by A.R.Rehman, “urvasi urvasi take it easy policy” to be the centric for my blog, and this flashed to me during my morning jog. Believe me it makes so much sense to take the life easy to an extent . I think human beings are just hardwired to be adept in complicating the things, circumstances, to put it across, legitimately everything around and hell for no reasons. We all come to existence through our lineage and life starts from schooling , college, work so on so forth, and we do the same with lot of tenacity and perseverance. But as life evolves and different facets of life beautifully unveils in front of you, you will inevitably be thrown into situations where there is a call for wise judgments. In this juncture , it’s the mindset of the person which enables him to do the move with causality or just casually.
There is just no guarantee that the life goes the way we have adorned it to be in our minds, and life is so intelligent that surely knows to put a person into awful confrontations and sometimes where there is no scope for escapism . I would just leave it the way life wants to ride it for me and there will be no act of resistance from my side. For this being time tested, things have never worked the way I wanted it and hard fact of life I have known not to live life by expectations , rather take it as it comes and see what best I can reap out , to the opportunities posed to me. Atleast me yes, I have always dreamt for the best things, to be the “perfectionist”,”numero uno” in what I want to be. But no things are just not the way I am thinking, infact quite strayed . I have a subtle ego and not sure if this is acting as an impediment to what I want to see in the future. I have idealized certain guidelines and sometimes in constant process of paralleling them to real life situations and the results some times are devastating. From a theological standpoint the ultimate aim of any human being is to reach the almighty , but then this utmost truth is masqueraded by all the happenings on earth and then I spring with a thought for myself “ Is this life worth to be taken seriously “.
Posed with an interrogation for my flair in life , there would be literally no activities that go unquoted,so as to say I want to assume the best form in what I perceive , I literally want to be the top in all propositions. But at the end of it, its just me , just so simple thriving some way to leave a mark on the land I am walking. I am committing a cardinal error for having thought so.People out there are just so cocky. Every one exploits my feelings , emotions everything man. Why is this I am targeted for this raunchy attitude of people when I am the last soul to probe people . Until recently , I was just aware of the exploitations in other areas , but its so reaming to experience that in love. Honestly, frankly my heart bleeds. I just wanted nothing but true Love . I just failed to get one in this life. Its saddening, atleast for me who have all through my years foreseen , that the best culmination from me is going to be inspired by love. Nobody would believe this , but yes I am a zest for true love. People have even entered and have caused a tumult in this Sanctus sanctorum space of my being and this has left me shattered and makes me so vulnerable at times. Its sometimes so hard to imagine whats life next. But yes , here again I bounce back with self agitation that, life is definitely not worth to being taken seriously atleast for all these fu**ing people out there . I become selfish again, working to develop a strong mind which is going to remain unabashed by all the atrocities faced to it. I know , at the end of it , its about you loving yourself . Just me, I don’t know any boundaries., sky is the limit. Just be the way I am and end of it. Let the perfectionists continue to galore the world with their musings . I will remain stern , strong as a pillar , will not sway to delusions of the wicked world and its people. I will in the course of time, develop the best will power and intellect so strong. I will. But in light of my current plight , life is definitely given a thought “Take it easy policy “.
0 comments | edit post
All what I want in life...
MIRAGE


First of all thank you for taking heed to my current contingencies, yes not one not two several. Having born in India and raised for 25 years I feel , half of me is compressed by the social framework . I did not get sufficient opportunities to explore the inner self. If music was innate to me, how did I fail to discover when I was young or during school days, the years when the inherent talents are explored and disseminated to something deeper. Another frontal is , I just failed to make friends in my life. I am leo born and moon is my ascendant so as to say, I am a Piscean moon. These are just polar opposite signs and me under this influence , its like having myriad personalities. Moon denotes the innerself ,its all about human compassion , feeling for fellow beings, so deep and passionate. For me anything that appeals to my senses be it the art, music , literature draws me in completely. Yes earning the daily bread is just one part of it. How soothing would it would have been to subordinate in an environment that’s so pristine, earthy and that’s in sync with my soul. I always feel that I should be driven by passion not by artificial external forces. Where my tempestuous abilities and skills are brought to the forefront and I execute them with precision and the result which is gratifying and which drives my independence , independence of thoughts, tasks , lifestyle and fiscal. How I wish I was the best without the need to detest what I am doing, confronting aliens to get my work done. My living should be as I am dead, my soul being so free flowing without any attachment.
This is the poetic part of it.

In India people are bound by responsibilities , society , parental pressure , the need to be normal etc , and I see minimal or no scope for being oneself. I am driven to a point where a life without marriage is considered to be lifeless, shallow etc. So now attuned to all these circumstances, driving on a path to take someone along. Being Indian I should marry an Indian. But that Indian is not me, its just going to be other person who is stereotyped by above mentioned attributes. So almost every one “EXPECTS” their wives to be themselves as in to be bread winners, which is unfortunately against my philosophy, and what’s running in my mind is a bit cryptic to explain.No body is just willing to do what I want.

True love in my partner just leaves me the way I am and propels me to get and do what I want. Needless to say I am giving endlessly all what I have , no barriers. I am not the one who is money driven. I want to be in a place like Austria , the abode of nature, land of Mozart. Earning for a decent living again I mentioned above, should be driven by passion and talents , not being enforced to do what I don’t want. To be knit in a network that seamlessly blend with my energies and that knows no boundaries like me, friends who are full of warmth compassion , full of luster. Having all these positive energies enmeshed in me will motivate me to work for the betterment of myself, family and society . Energies play a major role in our lives , it can throw you up in the sky or bury you deep within.

I want to lead a good life for sure. Donno how am I going to supplement it. All that I can see around is very demanding, where you need play putting a mask and which I am not. I know the terrain ahead is rocky , but as a human being I want die and reach God. I don’t want a rebirth and this follows a vicious circle. You are happyß-à you get things when you are happy ß-à you attract positive things when you are happy ßàthere are no incomplete desires when you are happyß-à you travel the journey of life happily ßàyou die happily ßà No rebirth if you die happily.Yes I am strained of the thought that happiness is like a butterfly which can be pursued endlessly but to be savored momentarily ,but atleast for this I need a modicum of happiness. I am willing to take anything and every one that makes me happy.



1 comments | edit post
The scarred mind
MIRAGE
Ever since God has created human beings, mind is something which is uncontrollable. I think, its one of the greatest challenge in witholding it. Mind might act or serve as the self destructor or creator. The better it , the better we are. My trsyst in controlling my monkey mind is since few years, the more i am trying to explore, the more possibilities opening to me.
0 comments | edit post